


Víðsýni

by lowkeyamen



Category: JBJ (Band), Topp Dogg (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Tattoo Parlor, Established Relationship, Fluff, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mental Health Issues, One Shot Collection, Romance, Sick Character, Trans Character, proposal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-05
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-01-30 01:54:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 20,025
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12643764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lowkeyamen/pseuds/lowkeyamen
Summary: Víðsýni; adjectivea panoramic view, or, open-mindednessTD7DayChallenge





	1. Late Night

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!!!  
> I wasn't sure if I was going to be able to do this - i'm still not tbh but i'll give it a bash
> 
> this is the first of 7 prompts for the TD7DayChallenge ♡  
> go check it out if you would like to join http://archiveofourown.org/collections/TD7DayChallenge/profile  
> idk if I will be able to finish all 7 but i'm gonna try, hopefully I can bc this is a pretty cool idea/project and hopefully it'll get more people writing toppdogg fics bc there has been a serious drought recently :(
> 
> all of my oneshots based on the prompts will be in this one chaptered fic - because i'm personally not a huge fan of posting a load of oneshots individually, I like things all grouped together lmao  
> anyway idk how I feel about this but hopefully it's okay and I should get more done in the allotted time!!  
> (ps I hope I added this to the collection properly I've never done this before oop)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nights just weren't for Taeyang anymore. 
> 
> Kim Taeyang & Kim Hansol  
> Hurt/comfort, Friendship  
> 1878 words

Taeyang had come to hate nights. 

They were when he felt most alone. 

It was always cold here, in this place. He wouldn't exactly call it home, just somewhere he happened to live. Just some shitty one-bedroom apartment on the wrong side of Seoul. 

He pulled his hood up, wrapping the blankets tighter around himself. No matter what he did he couldn't seem to warm up. 

It wasn't the same as...

No. 

He couldn't think about that. It was over. He had to get used to being on his own. This was his life now. The life he chose. 

But...he had never expected it to be so hard. He had never expected winter to be so hard. He had always hated the cold, being an August baby. He hated shivering and not being able to sleep until his body was the perfect temperature. 

He hated being alone when it was cold. 

He hated...

He hated not having another body in his bed. Sometimes even two. 

He smiled to himself, thinking back to when he, Hansol, Byungjoo and Hojoon were told they were going to room together.

 _'You're the smallest, you take up the least room, it just makes sense'_ was Sehyuk's way of justifying the situation. 

He thought it would have been chaos; the four of them constantly at each other's throats. They were all so much louder than Taeyang; honestly, Byungjoo never shut up. But he missed it. He missed the noise. The commotion. The hushed whispers at night when they weren't quite ready to go to sleep. 

But most of all he missed the warmth. 

He missed crawling into Hojoon's bed at 3am after a long night in the studio when he couldn't be bothered to climb into his own. The dancer always slept pressed up against the wall, knowing Taeyang would probably join him later, sighing contently as the elder wrapped an arm around his waist. 

He missed Hansol pulling him back into bed of a morning, when Taeyang was half way through getting dressed, insisting they had more time to lie around and cuddle before their day started. 

He missed curling up and watching dumb YouTube videos with Byungjoo, covered pulled over their heads like protective shield, keeping the warmth in and everyone else out. 

He missed having arms wrapped around him. Legs tangled with his own. The warmth of someone else's breath, steady on the back of his neck. Waking up with one of his best friends. 

He missed being able to sleep. 

His insomnia was at an all-time high, and even though he didn't want to admit it to himself, he knew it was because he missed them. 

He groaned, burying deeper into the blankets, praying he would eventually feel as warm as they did back in their old room. 

But it wasn't the same. 

Cold sheets couldn't make up for the warmth of other bodies, for friendship, for love, even. 

Nothing was the same anymore. 

This was hopeless. 

He threw his bed covers off, it wasn't like he was going to get to sleep any time soon, anyway. He figured he may as well do something productive. 

He glanced across at his puppy, a tiny bundle of white fluff all curled up at the bottom of his bed. Would it be cruel to wake him up to go out for a walk just because his owner couldn't sleep? 

He whistled lowly, smiling as two ears perked up at the sound. His puppy was a ball of energy, slept even less than Taeyang did, so it was no surprise he was jumping at the door to be out despite it being 3am. 

Okay, so, maybe he was lying. He didn't totally hate nights. He actually _loved_ these little walks in the pitch black, the bitter cold, when no one else was around. It felt like the only time he could really think. Everything just felt so much clearer outside, but he couldn't handle the hustle and bustle of the city during the day time. 

He honestly wasn't even sure why he still lived in Seoul. Sure, he was born and bred here, but he didn't particularly like the city. Maybe he should move somewhere quieter. Somewhere less congested. Somewhere far away where he wouldn't constantly be reminded of that time he went to a certain coffee shop with Jiho or that time Byungjoo fell over and ripped his pants on that one street. 

Everything could be brand new. Like a fresh slate or something. No waves of déjà vu or nostalgia. 

But...

He couldn't. He just couldn't. He may have physically left the group, their apartment. But he could never leave the city. Never be that far away from them. 

He almost felt like he was in limbo. He wanted to leave, but the very thought of it made him feel homesick. He wanted to forget, but he would cling onto old memories with everything he had. He wanted to start again, be a brand new Taeyang, but here he was walking his dog in the middle of the night wearing his old Jenissi snapback. 

Taeyang tried to count how many times he had lied to himself that night. He liked waking his dog for all of ten minutes until he realised that actually, it was fucking freezing, and the main reason he couldn't sleep was because he was too cold. So why the fuck did he come outside? 

He sighed to himself, lighting up another cigarette. Why was he such a mess? How couldn't he make up his mind about anything? He just...he didn't even know anymore. Did he wish things could go back to how they were? Or did he wish he had never even bothered trying to become an idol?

No. No, of course he didn't wish that. 

It was tough, and gruelling, and there were tears and arguments and things often got physical at times - in more ways than one - but he didn't regret a single minute. 

He allowed a tiny smile to grace his lips. Of course he didn't regret anything. They were three of the best years of his life. Sure, they could have been better if they didn't have to put up with such a shitty company, and he definitely could have done with making more money, but he had made some of the best friends he could ever wish for. 

He just wished things could have been different. That they could have had it better. 

"Taeyang?"

Taeyang's eyebrows furrowed, taking one of his ear buds out as he was pulled from his thoughts. He could have sworn he heard his name being called over the music. 

"Tae!"

His heart rate sped up. It was almost 3:30 in the morning, it was dark, and he was completely alone - he couldn't see anyone anywhere. The very fact someone was trying to catch his attention made him want to run. 

"I thought you said your insomnia was getting better."

Taeyang's heart rate steadied as Hansol appeared from behind a cab, crossing the road, arms folded across his chest keeping his jacket wrapped tight around him. He had been out for a few drinks with friends, making his way home when he caught sight of the blonde. 

"I- It was. But it's too cold to sleep."

Hansol quirked an eyebrow, a subtle smirk on his lips. One Taeyang picked up on instantly, eyes rolling. How the fuck could Hansol read him so well? 

"You always did hate sleeping alone in winter."

Taeyang scoffed, hissing out a _'shut up'._ It was true, though, he really did hate sleeping alone. No amounts of blankets compared to curling up next to someone. 

"Come on, let's get you home." Hansol linked his arm with Taeyang's urging the elder to keep walking. As happy as he was to see Taeyang, it was fucking freezing. He wasn't sure he could bare standing out here much longer. 

"I think I can manage getting back to mine alone, Hansol. You don't have to escort me."

"Who said anything about going back to yours?"

Taeyang faltered. What? Where else would he be going at this time of night? He may have been having trouble sleeping, but he should at least try again. He had to be up early and he had the dog with him, it's not like they could go anywh-

Oh. 

Hansol said home. Did he- Did he mean _their_ home? His old home? 

"Hansol- I dunno."

"Taeyang." Hansol stopped dead in his tracks, cat-like eyes fixed on the elders as he spoke - in that tone that told Taeyang that Hansol couldn't care less if he was the dongsaeng, he was going to put Taeyang in his place regardless. "You're coming back with me. It's cold and I'm worried about your health. You're clearly not sleeping properly. I'm pretty sure you'd sleep better back at our apartment."

Taeyang sighed. He'd be lying if he said he didn't miss that place. Sure, it was a fucking mad house at times, but that was to be expected when so many loud boys lived under one roof. But it really did feel like home. 

"But, I-"

"I'll let you be little spoon." Hansol grinned, eyes twinkling in the harsh street lighting. He expected another scoff or eyeroll from Taeyang, but the blonde just laughed softly, eyelashes fanning out against high cheekbones as he bowed his head slightly. Even he wasn't too proud to admit that sounded way better than going back to his shitty apartment. 

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes! Okay fine, I'll come back with you." This time Taeyang did roll his eyes, but it was purely affectionate as Hansol giggled, arms wrapping tighter around Taeyang's free one as they picked up their pace, wanting to be back at the groups apartment and out of the cold as soon as possible. 

"I knew that would work." Hansol beamed, smugly. Taeyang was so predictable. He liked to act the mature one, independent and slightly aloof, but in reality he was just a cuddly teddy bear - or bunny as Hansol liked to call him, which would always earn him a whine from the elder. "How could you ever pass up an offer to cuddle with me?"

"You?" Taeyang sneered. Hansol had had his fun teasing him, now it was Taeyang's turn. "Who said I'll be cuddling with you? I was planning on sneaking into Sangdo's room. He's the best big spoon, anyway."

Hansol's jaw dropped.

"You can sleep on the floor for that." He joked, hitting Taeyang on the shoulder. I'll spoon your dog instead."

Taeyang's smile widened, dimple burying into his right cheek. He felt warm already, and he was pretty sure it had nothing to do with the way Hansol was clinging to him. No. This was a different kind of warm. Like an internal warmth. The type that could only come from years of love and friendship. 

He could tell he was finally going to get a good nights sleep; drifting off as soon as his head hit the pillow, Hansol's arms wrapped around his waist, their bodies slotted perfectly together, a familiar warmth overcoming him. 

Okay, he had made his mind up. Maybe these late night walks weren't so bad after all. 


	2. Denial

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sanggyun is sick and all he wants is a cuddle
> 
> Park Sehyuk/Kim Sanggyun  
> Fluff, Light Angst  
> 1486 words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here it is number 2 - this prompt is 'denial'  
> I figured i'd go for something cute and fluffy (eh a teeny tiny bit angsty) otherwise all of the fics I write for this challenge are gonna be super emo lmaoooo (also this was the only thing I could think of that wasn't smutty lol. give me a word like denial and obv i'm gonna think of smth smutty oop)
> 
> anyway this is for eli bc I know how much they love sick!gyun

Sanggyun was sick. Not as in fed up or done with the world, although he was beginning to feel like that after the fourth coughing fit in the past half hour or so rendered him breathless. 

No, he was ill. And when Sanggyun was ill, he expected the entire world to stop and feel sorry for him. 

It wasn't like he was overdramatic or anything. No, of course not. He genuinely was sick, he wasn't putting it on or anything. His head was banging, so much so that he found it hard to lift it off the pillow. His eyes and nose were bright red and streaming. Every breath he took was laboured and he had barely eaten in the past two days because his throat felt like razor blades every time he swallowed.

So, no, he wasn't overreacting. He just wanted someone to look after him, to care about him, to pity him. Anyone would do, really. He would be happy with anyone bringing him a warming bowl of homemade soup, even better if they would spoonfeed him. With anyone's fingers raking through his long, sweat-soaked hair as they cooed over him. With anyone checking up on him every half hour to check he hadn't stopped breathing in his sleep and re-tucking him in when his blankets fell off. 

Literally anyone would do. 

But preferably, he'd rather have his boyfriend doing all of that. 

Sehyuk was a loving boyfriend, he really was. He would shower Sanggyun with kisses and cuddles and would turn up at work unannounced with a bouquet of flowers for the younger, just because. 

Yeah, Sehyuk was a loving boyfriend. Practically perfect in every way. That was, until Sanggyun would get sick. 

Sehyuk didn't do sick. When he was in high school he had gotten an award for not having a single day off in seven years. He had a remarkable immune system, rarely got anything more than a 24 hour bug- and when he did he would just power through it, unlike his drama queen of a boyfriend. But that didn't mean he was willing to compromise that. He would avoid sick people at all costs, you know, just in case. 

He would tend for Sanggyun at an arm's length; bringing him water and soup, ask him if he was okay, but that was about it. 

He would spend as little time in their bedroom as possible, choosing to sleep alone in the spare room, and every time he would enter, he'd wear a face mask, making Sanggyun feel more like he had the plague, not a bad cold. 

And Sanggyun hated it. He was an incredibly cuddly person, and his need for affection and human contact tripled when he was sick. It was when he felt most vulnerable, like he could burst out in tears any minute because everything hurt, and he just wanted to feel okay again. 

He could do without all of that stuff he mentioned before. Honestly, all he wanted was Sehyuk's arms around him. But the elder wouldn't even come near him. 

Sanggyun groaned, head heavy as he tried to sit up. He was sick of lying in this bed. He felt like he was on the verge of fusing with the mattress. 

A shiver shot through his body as he stood, he had been boiling for days, temperature raised, skin coated in a thin layer of sweat, but as soon as he was out of the comfort of his bed he was freezing. 

That was by far his least favourite part of being ill - cold sweats. The sensation of being hot and cold at the same time tended to knock him sick. He hated shaking and shivering and being unable to warm up, but at the same time his skin burnt to the touch. He would take a runny nose and sore throat over a fever any day. 

But, he had to power on. He grabbed a hoodie, wrapping it around himself as he made his way to the living room. He was going to get a cuddle if it was the last thing he did. 

Sehyuk was sat on their sofa, absentmindedly scrolling through his phone as the TV played away to itself. He hadn't been in from work that long, checking up on his boyfriend as soon as he got home. Maybe he should try again, knowing Sanggyun he wouldn't be sleeping like Sehyuk told him to. 

He was pulled from his thoughts by a soft padding behind him. 

"What are out doing up?" Sanggyun was stood at the doorway to their living room, oversized hoodie drowning his shaking form. 

"I'm feeling better."

Sehyuk quirked an eyebrow. Better? Just half an hour ago Sanggyun was barely coherent, voice gravelly as he tried to speak. Now he had just made some miraculous recovery?

"You don't look better." Sanggyun was still as pale as he was yesterday, eyes watery and bloodshot, nose bright red as he sniffled, and it was clear that he still had a fever - he was shivering as he made his way over to sit next to Sehyuk. 

"Wow, thanks, babe, I love you too."

"Woah, what are you doing?" Sehyuk shot out of his seat as Sanggyun settled himself down on the other end of the sofa. He couldn't risk Sanggyun being that close to him. 

"I'm...sitting down." Sanggyun's bottom lip began to jut out. "Come on, I feel fine. Sit next to me."

Sanggyun wasn't great at lying. Especially when he patted the space next to him and immediately burst into a coughing fit. Great. That was his cover blown. 

"Sanggyun, you're still sick. You should get back to bed."

"But I'm lonely!" The younger whined. "Can I just have a cuddle?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Why?" Sanggyun's voice raised in pitch a little - whether it was due to the cold making his vocal chords tight or just because he was moaning was unclear. Probably a bit of both. Either way Sehyuk found it kind of adorable. But it wasn't going to work on him. Not tonight.

"Because, I don't want to get sick."

"You won't! It'll be fine. Please Sehyuk? I just need a hug."

Sehyuk sighed as Sanggyun pouted up at him. If there was one thing that made his heart melt, it was Sanggyun's pouts. He looked so fucking cute how could he resist? 

But he really didn't want to get sick. 

"Look, I'll cuddle you as much as you want when you feel better, but I can't afford to get sick, baby."

Sanggyun's bottom lip began to quiver, eyes welling up. He felt so shit and all he wanted was his boyfriend to cuddle him and stroke his hair and to feel warm and loved. 

Why was Sehyuk denying him that one little thing? He was pretty sure a cuddle would make him feel a hundred times better than any medicine. 

Sehyuk's heart dropped. 

"Sanggyun-"

"It doesn't matter." The younger curled in on himself, pulling his knees up against his chest. If Sehyuk didn't want to hug him, he wasn't going to force it. He shouldn't have to. They were meant to be in love. 

Sehyuk sighed. Surely Sanggyun could see where he was coming from. There was no point in them both being sick and missing out on work. They would be well and truly snookered if that were to happen, they couldn't really afford to go without any income between them.

He sat back down in his original seat, figuring it would be too much of an insult to sit on the opposite side of the room to his boyfriend. Maybe that was taking it a bit far. 

Sanggyun snuggled into the corner of the sofa, trying to get comfortable among the pile of cushions he insisted on having - he couldn't help himself, every time they went shopping he managed to find a new cute one. You could never have too many cushions, right? 

He wasn't even paying attention to what was on the TV, that wasn't why he had come out of his room. He came for Sehyuk, for arms wrapped around his waist or shoulders, for a strong chest to rest his head on, for forehead kisses and noses nuzzling into his hair. Not this. 

He let his eyes fall shut. He was still tired, really tired, but he was too stubborn to admit defeat and go back to bed. He would just have to sleep here instead. A coughing, spluttering reminder that Sehyuk had made him feel extra shitty. 

He was on the verge of falling back asleep when his body jolted, his head spun until it came into contact with something soft. Sehyuk. 

He smiled to himself, face nuzzling into his boyfriend's sweater, snuggling into the warmth as Sehyuk wrapped his arms around him. This was exactly what he needed. 

"Thank you."

"If I get ill I'm going to kill you." 


	3. Anniversary

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hojoon is at his wits end. If he doesn't get a ring on his finger soon, then it's over.
> 
> Kim Dongsung/Jeon Hojoon  
> Romance  
> 2936 words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok I know I'm posting twice in a day but I was a day behind and I'm actually kinda on a roll here so hopefully I can get the next four done too!!!
> 
> The prompt for this fic was 'anniversary' - I wanted to stay away from the anniversary being anything to do with the group being together bc I wanted to write something that wasn't incredibly emo so here u go!!! Everyone's fave princess Jeon Hojoon being, well, a princess.
> 
> PS this has not been spellchecked at all as I've just written andnpaited it straight from my phone oop sorry guys

 "So, I'm breaking up with Dongsung."

Jiho almost choked on his drink, caramel hot chocolate trickling from the corner of his mouth.

"You're what?"

"I'm gonna break up with Dongsung." Hojoon repeated with a nonchalant shrug.

Jiho blinked a couple of times, trying to compute what he had just heard. Was it April fools day or something? Why the fuck would Hojoon want to break up with Dongsung? They had been together forever. Jiho still got war-style flashbacks from having to hear Hojoon prattle on and on about how hot Dongsung was and how the elder would never notice him when they were at school.

Fortunately he did, they had been together nearly seven years and Jiho was pretty sure they were still madly in love. So where the fuck was this coming from?

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah. I'm done, Jiho. He totally forgot our anniversary."

"Isn't it next month?" Jiho knew fine well it was next month, as if Hojoon would ever let him forget.

"Yeah."

"So...how can he forget it if it hasn't even happened yet?" Hojoon could be confusing at the best of times but this was taking the piss.

"I've been dropping hints for weeks, Jiho." Hojoon pointed to the very bare ring finger on his left hand. "He hasn't mentioned a thing. I've watched seven episodes of Say Yes to the Dress yesterday. _Seven_. I took the entire week of our anniversary off, you know, just as a subtle hint for him to book a little holiday or something. And nothing. He hasn't even mentioned it."

Jiho blinked. Again. He wasn't really sure how to process all of this. To say Hojoon was a drama queen would be a severe understatement. Hojoon could blow just about anything out of proportion. Last week he had blocked Jiho on Instagram just because the younger hadn't liked his last three posts.

He honestly had no idea how Dongsung coped sometimes, he had no idea how he coped himself. His own relationship was worlds apart, he couldn't ask for a more laid back boyfriend than Hyosang. Marriage wasn't even on their radar.

But it was all Hojoon wanted.

He had been with Dongsung for almost seven years, they were high school sweethearts. He knew fine well that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the brunette. He still got butterflies whenever Dongsung would smile that one toothy, crescent-eyes smile he would only use for Hojoon. He found sleeping on his own, without a strong pair of arms wrapped around his waist almost impossible. Dongsung was his everything, but if he wasn't going to propose any time soon, then, was he ever?

"I don't get it."

Hojoon rolled his eyes in frustration. Jiho could be so dense sometimes.

"You might be overreacting a bit here." Jiho knew that was a danagerous thing to say. Hojoon knew fine well he was melodramatic, but he hated being called out on it.

"How? He's clearly not going to propose to me any time soon so what's the point? I may as well just try and get over him and find someone that actually wants to be with me for the rest of our lives."

Jiho raised his eyebrows at the thought of being tied to Hojoon in holy matrimony. That sounded more like a life sentence than anything.

"Why do you even have to get married to spend the rest of your life with someone? It's just a piece of paper."

"It's not!" Hojoon whined, thumb ghosting over his bare ring finger. "It's- It's like the ultimate sign of commitment. Like, you love his person so much that you make a promise to be with them forever, no matter what. I just- I just really want that, Jiho. I want to be Hojoon Kim _so_ fucking bad."

Jiho sighed, fingers running through his hair. He knew how important marriage was to Hojoon. How badly he wanted that happy ever after like his parents had. He had known the elder since he was six, and he was pretty sure Hojoon's wedding had been fully planned even back then.

"Maybe..." He didn't want to get Hojoon's hopes up, but this could be an option, especially if Dongsung had apparently forgotten their anniversary was coming up. Surely he must just be pretending. "Maybe he's going to surprise you."

"He knows how I feel about surprises."

"Then why don't _you_ propose to _him?_ "

Hojoon's jaw dropped, scandalised by the idea.

"Because he's the _man_ , Jiho. That's his job."

This time it was Jiho's turn to roll his eyes.

"I want him down on one knee, gazing up into my eyes, the perfect ring in a cute little box. I want him to have prepared a speech even though I probably won't be able to hear it because I'll be crying at this point and I'll no doubt interrupt him and say yes before he even finishes because I won't be able to help myself. And then everyone will cheer - because it'll be in public so everyone can see how happy I am and hopefully get a little jealous that my new fiancé is so much hotter than anyone they could ever get and he's mine - and then he'll put the ring on my finger and kiss me."

Jiho didn't really know what to say to that, opting to take a sip of his drink again. He thanked god Hyosang was nowhere near as much of a princess as Hojoon, there was no way he could cope with that. Being best friends with the blonde was enough of an endeavour.

"So, I still don't understand why you won't propose to him."

"Did you not just hear anything I said. I want him down on one kn-"

"I heard." Jiho held his hand up, stopping Hojoon before he went on and on - no doubt adding finer details. "It's just, if you have this ideal proposal in your head, why don't you just do it? I know you Hojoon, if he proposed and it was anything less than perfect you'd probably say no out of spite."

"Are you implying I'm high maintenance?"

"Yes?" Jiho couldn't believe Hojoon had actually just asked that. He was the very definition of high maintenance. "You hate surprises, you have ridiculous standards and could you imagine if you had to wear an engagement ring you didn't like for the rest of your life?"

Hojoon tilted his head. Okay, that was a fair point. He had already warned Dongsung in the past that he would be picking out his own ring. He loved his boyfriend with all of his heart, but...he had pretty terrible taste.

"I mean...I guess I could make it perfect, but-"

"But what? Joon, you can't just wait around and hope he'll ask one day. And there's no way you're breaking up with him. If you want it that bad, take matters into your own hands."

Maybe...maybe that wasn't such a bad idea. There was no reason he couldn't be the one to propose. It was 2017, just because he was the more feminine one in the relationship didn't mean he couldn't ask Dongsung to marry him. Femininsm and all that, right?

"What if he says no?"

"Why would he say no? He's head over heels in love with you."

Hojoon shrugged, sinking back in his seat a little. "Maybe...maybe that's why he hasn't asked. Maybe he doesn't really want to be with me or something."

Jiho knew that under all of that bravado and sass, Hojoon was actually incredibly insecure. That he was clearly just joking about breaking up with Dongsung to provoke a reaction out of Jiho, but actually he was genuinely worried the elder may end it with him first. He reached across the table, taking his best friends hand in his own.

"Look, I'm pretty sure that's not the case, Joon. He loves you, I know he does."

"But what if-"

"Try not to think like that, okay? Maybe- Maybe he's worried about you saying the same thing."

Hojoon hummed. That could be true...he was pretty sure Dongsung would have already broken up with him if he really wanted to. He knew he could be a lot to handle sometimes - okay, a lot of the time - and there were plenty of instances in the past where Dongsung could have left him.

No. Dongsung definitely still loved him. He couldn't let his insecurities ruin their relationship.

"Okay."

"Okay what?"

"Okay, I'll do it!" Hojoon beamed as Jiho's eyes lit up, his best friend just as excited as he was. "I'm gonna ask Dongsung to marry me!"

 

˚✧˳⁺⁎ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧˚

 

Deciding to propose last minute was decidedly more stressful than Hojoon thought it would be. He wanted this to be perfect, but having only three weeks to plan everything, was easier said than done.

Dongsung still hadn't mentioned anything about their anniversary. Maybe he really didn't want to be with Hojoon after all. He seemed less than pleased when Hojoon announced they were taking an impromptu trip to Paris.

_"Hojoon, I have work."_

_"I asked you to get that week off ages ago. I just- I thought it would be nice, Paris is the first place we ever went together."_

_"Okay, fine, I'll see what I can do."_

So here they were, in a taxi on the way to the airport, sitting in an almost awkward silence.

Hojoon had no idea what to say. He was going to ask Dongsung to marry him tomorrow. On their anniversary. In Paris. The city of love.

He had it all planned out. He wasn't going to pop the question somewhere cliché like the Eiffel Tower or Dinseyland, he had chosen the Jardin du Palais Royal. What could be better than proposing within the gardens of a literal palace?

They had chanced upon it the second time they visited the city, after seeing the queue to get into the Louvre they decided to fuck that and go for a walk instead, ending up in a secret Parisian paradise filled with magnolia trees and cherry blossoms. It was gorgeous. And it was perfect.

But right now he couldn't stop his heart racing and he had no idea what to talk to his own boyfriend about as they pulled up at Heathrow because he was so anxious he was worried he'd throw up all over him.

At least that would be a memorable proposal story.

"Hey, are you okay?" Dongsung laced his fingers with Hojoon's, head tilting as he looked down at his boyfriend who hadn't stopped fidgeting since hey joined the security queue.

"I'm fine." Hojoon squeaked. He wasn't. He was panicking and he still had an entire 24 hours to go before he even had to get down on one knee. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all. Maybe he wasn't cut out for this and should just wait for Dongsung to ask him instead. He could get over the ring being wrong or whatever. That honestly didn't matter all that much anyway. As long as they were engaged he would be happy no matter what.

"Excuse me? Sir? Could you put your luggage on the belt?"

Hojoon was in such a world of his own he didn't even realise he was at the front of the queue, fumbling to take his jacket and belt off so he didn't set the metal detectors off. This wasn't exactly helping his anxiety. He hated airports.

At least they didn't go off. He fucking hated that. Even though he knew fine well he had nothing on him - no guns strapped to his ankles or pounds of cocaine in pellets in his stomach - it always terrified him.

He smiled as Dongsung joined him on the other side of the hand luggage scanner, throwing an arm around the blondes shoulders. That soothed him a little. This was Dongsung, the love of his life. What did he have to be nervous about?

"Sir? We're going to have to search your bag."

Hojoon's eyebrows shot up as he realised the security guy was addressing him.

"Uh...yeah, sure." He had nothing to hide, so why not. It still put him on edge, though. What exactly did they think they had found?

He watched on as the guards exachanged a look before turning to him, a small scarlet box on their hand.

_Fuck._

"We're going to have to ask you to open this."

His heart rate tripled. That was the ring. The fucking ring he was going to propose to Dongsung with. Dongsung who was stood directly next to him. This would ruin everything.

"I, uh- I'd rather not."

Dongsung shot him a _'what the fuck?'_ look as the guards whispered to one another. Good one, Hojoon, because that doesn't look suspicious as fuck.

"Sir, this is serious. We cannot let you board that plane unless you let us know what is in this box."

Hojoon stifled a groan, biting down on his bottom lip. For fucks sake.

"Joon, just tell them." Dongsung was beginning to worry too, what the fuck was Hojoon playing at? This wasn't the time for games.

"I- Ugh. It's not a fucking bomb."

"Hojoon!" Dongsung hissed, nudging the younger. "Don't say that word here."

Hojoon rolled his eyes, figuring he might as well give getting the box back unopened one last shot before everything was ruined. He held his hand up to shield his lips from his boyfriend as his mouthed _'it's a ring'_ to the guards who just stared back at him. They clearly weren't getting it so he pointed to his ring finger, hopefully without Dongsung seeing.

"Sir, if you don't open the box, we'll have to take you into custody."

Hojoon groaned in frustration. Trust him to get the worlds worst charades players. This was such a joke. How the fuck couldn't their little X-ray machine pick up on the fact this was clearly an engagement ring anyway?

"Okay! Okay, fine." He held his hand out, motioning for them to pass him the box. This was less than ideal, but he figured it was better than getting arrested on what was supposed to be the most romantic trip of his life.

He took a deep breath, turning to Dongsung. He could feel the tension in the room as all eyes were on him, mainly because everyone clearly thought he was a terrorist, but his heart was thumping against his ribcage for a different reason.

"Dongsung..." He started, clearing his throat. God this was going to be awful. "I- I love you more than anything and these past seven years have been the best years of my life and...this isn't exactly what I had planned but..." He swallowed thickly, getting down on one knee, finally opening the box. "Will you marry me?"

He could pretty much feel the room deflate as everyone simultaneously let out the breath they were holding in. Apart from him. He felt worse than ever as Dongsung gaped back at him. He felt like he had been down here on the ground for fucking ages. When he had told Jiho he wanted all eyes to be on him when he got engaged, this wasn't exactly what he had meant.

When Dongsung finally responded, it wasn't exactly the reaction he had been expecting.

Laughter. That fucking ridiculous, raucous laugh he did that boomed around the entire room.

 _What. The. Fuck_.

"Oh my god! Joon, I'm so sorry this-" Dongsung clutched his stomach, trying to calm himself down. "It's just - fuck - stand up."

He put his other hand out, pulling a very confused and rejected Hojoon up to his feet.

So...Dongsung really didn't want to marry him after all? Not only did he not just turn the proposal down, he outright laughed at Hojoon infront of all of these people. Humiliated him. He could feel the lump in his throat rising, eyes welling up when Dongsung pulled something out from his back pocket.

His eyes focused on the gold circle in his boyfriend's hand.

A ring?

"Babe, I was literally going to propose to you tomorrow."

Hojoon didn- He felt like he was going to pass out. He wasn't used to going through this many emotions at once and it made his head spin. First anxiety. Then fear. Then hurt. Now...joy? Elation? Dongsung was...

"So yes, I will marry you."

Hojoon was still too stunned to move as Dongsung pulled him into a tight hug, a smile only breaking into his face as his cheek came into contact with the elders chest.

This was really happening. They...they were going to get married. They were going to be together forever.

"Oh my god." Hojoon breathed against Dongsung's shirt as he wrapped his arms around the brunettes waist, as tears began to spill over his eyelashes, as people began to clap and cheer.

This wasn't even close to his perfect proposal - in fucking airport security after he was essentially accused of being a terrorist. But he had his audience. He had his ring. And he had his brand new fiancé. So, in a way it was perfect. Their very own brand of perfect. Jiho was going to have a field day when he told him.

He hummed softly as Dongsung kissed him, not giving a fuck that they were holding up the queue even more. He deserved to revel in this moment. It's not every day you get engaged, albeit twice, after all.

He couldn't stop smiling as Dongsung pulled back, forehead resting against the blondes.

"Happy anniversary, baby."


	4. Risk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Byungjoo finds himself inexplicably drawn to a tiny man with a gun.
> 
> Kim Taeyang/Kim Byungjoo  
> Romance, Fluff  
> 3517 words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> number 4!!!! fuck this is going a lot better than I originally planned  
> I actually thought up this au ages ago but never reallt knew what to do with it so?? here we are??  
> Taeyang/Byungjoo is one of those really unconventional ships I highkey L O V E so yeah here u do I figured this was the perfect time to use them

"I brought you coffee."

Taeyang smiled to himself as a boy with fluffy strawberry blonde hair bounced into his studio with two cups in hand. This was becoming an almost daily occurrence. 

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Drawing."

Byungjoo rolled his eyes. No shit. 

"Drawing what?"

"Something for a client."

Byungjoo sighed. Taeyang had the conversational range of a table leg. The two of them were complete opposites. Byungjoo was bright and bubbly and giggly and never shut up, whereas Taeyang was more reserved, didn't really speak unless he had to. 

But his skin was the complete opposite; covered in intricate script and colourful murals of everything from Hannya masks to foxes to his one cute little cupcake he had on his ankle that was apparently a drunken mistake. 

Whereas Byungjoo's skin was completely blank, almost mirroring Taeyang's personality. Just kind of...nothing. They seemed to reflect each other in a way. Maybe that's why Byungjoo was so drawn to someone so...vapid when he himself was so vivid. 

Especially considering he had absolutely no interest in getting a tattoo himself, yet he had spent almost every evening at Taeyang's studio after he finished uni for the past two months. 

He couldn't even really remember how it came to this. His friend, Hansol, had forced him to come along and hold his hand when he decided to get a tattoo on his eighteenth birthday. Byungjoo couldn't think of anything worse. A tiny needle stabbing into your skin over and over just to mark it for life. But, Hansol was into that shit, and promised he'd tag along. 

He was pretty sure he was more nervous than Hansol was. This entire place just...intimidated him. The walls were covered with almost demonic looking drawings of skulls and grim reapers and wolves. There were pictures of terrifying Mafia-esque men covered head to toe in ink. The studio seemed so...unwelcoming. Why did Hansol choose here of all places? 

"Hey, I have an appointment with Taeyang." 

Taeyang? Hansol's tattoo artist was called Taeyang? That was about the least aggressive name Byungjoo could think of. 

It made him laugh a little actually, not aloud, no, of course not. He wasn't that rude. But the idea of someone appearing from behind the scenes that looked like one of those guys on the wall – 6ft tall, pure muscle, maybe a couple of teeth missing from a bar fight or something – being called Taeyang, literally being named after the sun, was amusing to say the least. But, he didn't fancy getting his head caved in, so he kept that thought to himself.

"Hansol, right?"

Byungjoo's jaw practically dropped as a tiny blonde with baby blue eyes and a deep dimple in his right cheek appeared behind the desk. Was- Was that Taeyang?

Byungjoo seemed to lose the ability to speak as Hansol lay down on his stomach, shirt pulled up to reveal his lower back. He didn't even flinch as the gun started up, didn't make any smart-ass remark as Hansol squeezed his hand, didn't look away as the needle delved into his best friend's skin, as blood began to rise. Because he wasn't even looking at the tattoo, didn't even seem to register what was going on – he was too busy staring at Taeyang.

Byungjoo was fairly sheltered, to say the least. He came from a pretty wealthy family, went to a private school, only mingled with a certain type of people. He didn't really know people that had tattoos or piercings or that listened to rap music like what was playing in the background of the studio. No, his parents would never let him associate with people like that, they had warned him off of them, almost made him scared of them.

But…he was completely captivated by Taeyang. He didn't look like any of the people his parents described. He wasn't scruffy or scary looking or lacking in morals. No, he was quite the opposite. Platinum blonde hair complimented his fair skin perfectly, dark eyelashes fanned out against high cheekbones, tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on the intricate details of the butterfly he was etching into Hansol's skin.

His neck and arms were covered in ink, but they weren't the full greyscale sleeves he was used to seeing, the ones that seemed to be trendy right now, but rather a load of separate tattoos that seemed to have nothing to do with each other but were connected by a similar style and colour scheme. He found that intriguing – he didn't know many people with tattoos, or much about them, but he had never really seen anything like Taeyang's before. Thick black lines, block colours of bright reds, yellows and turquoise. Byungjoo later learned that this was a more traditional style of tattooing, common among American sailors dating back to the 1800s, and the reason Taeyang chose to stick to such a limited number of colours was because he liked the authentic look - there were nowhere near as many shades of ink back then as their were today. Before meeting Taeyang he honestly had no idea the art of tattooing has such a rich history.

He didn't really like tattoos back then, honestly, he found full sleeves pretty depressing and off putting. They all kind of looked the same to him and he was pretty sure anyone that got one was sure to regret it when they were older. But Taeyang's…they were different. He actually couldn't stop looking at them.

"It's kinda hard to concentrate when you're staring at me like that, kid."

That was the first time Taeyang had spoken, voluntarily anyway. He had gone through all the _'this is probably going to hurt but try not to move'_ stuff with Hansol earlier, but he had been silent ever since. He didn't even bother looking up, knowing fine well Byungjoo's eyes would still be on him and the strawberry blonde would no doubt be flushing furiously by now.

He smiled to himself as Byungjoo squeaked out a small _'sorry'._

Cute.

It was only a week later when Byungjoo came back, hesitantly pushing the door open to Taeyang's studio. The blonde looked up from his phone as the bell tinkled, alerting him a customer had just walked in. He was just about to close up.

"Oh, hi. You fancy something of your own now?"

Byungjoo's felt his cheeks heat up at the fact Taeyang recognised him. He may have been stalking the artist on Instagram and knew fine well how popular he was. He must tattoo up to a hundred people a week, yet he remembered one of his client's friends.

"I-uh- Yeah." Byungjoo spluttered out. That wasn't why he was here at all. The last thing he wanted as a tattoo, he just felt drawn to this place. He just found himself back here somehow. He had to see Taeyang again. "Yeah, I do."

Taeyang supressed a smirk. "Of?"

"Uh-" Byungjoo faltered. This was stupid. He couldn't just make some split-second decision to go along with the lie because this would be on his body for life. But he couldn't very well just back out because then he'd look like a total idiot. His eyes flickered around the room for inspiration. There were hundreds of things to choose from, but none of them exactly appealed to him.

"You need help deciding?"

"Y-yeah. Yeah, I'm not really sure."

"How about you come by tomorrow and we'll try and figure something out?"

So, he did.

And he had been coming back almost every day for the past eight months.

Taeyang stretched. His back ached from hunching over at work, but he still had more to do. The studio may be closed for the night, but he had a couple of designs hat needed finishing for clients coming in tomorrow morning.

He leaned up against the door frame, smiling to himself as the papers on his dining table rustled, as Byungjoo thumbed through them. He had no idea when the blonde began staying over, but he wasn't exactly complaining. He kind of brightened the place up.

"This one's pretty." Byungjoo mused, fingers ghosting over the delicate shading of a ship. Taeyang's art had changed direction lately, he seemed to enjoy doing more intricate, subtle pieces than big bold ones these days. He liked it. They seemed to represent who Taeyang really was behind that standoffish front he put on. The soft side that only Byungjoo got to see. Maybe that’s why he liked them so much, it almost felt like Taeyang was drawing for him, for them.

"It would look good on you." Taeyang settled himself down in Byungjoo's lap, plucking the paper from the youngers hand only to place it against his sternum. "Right here."  

Byungjoo rolled his eyes, Taeyang was still intent on tattooing him. But he still wasn't completely sold on the idea.

"Or not." Byungjoo smiled, pushing Taeyang's arm lightly, urging him to out the paper back on the table so it wouldn't get damaged. He would rather not have Taeyang staying up all night re-doing illustrations because they accidentally messed them up. He had better things planned.

"Do you have any idea how good you'd look covered in ink?"

"Are you saying I don't look good without?"

Taeyang scoffed, Byungjoo always managed to turn this around on him.

"Of course not." Taeyang pressed a soft kiss to the tip of Byungjoo's nose. "I'm just saying, maybe some art would enhance how hot you already are."

Taeyang stood, making Byungjoo whine at the loss of warmth in his lap. he much preferred watching Taeyang draw from over his shoulder, when the blonde was perched on his knee. But the timbre of his whine soon changed as Taeyang lifted his shirt over his head, obscuring his vision for just a second. Okay, so, maybe this was going to be better than watching his boyfriend draw.

Byungjoo quirked an eyebrow in anticipation as Taeyang straddled him, fingers ghosting over unmarked skin. Yep. This was definitely better. He lifted his hips, showing Taeyang he was more than on board with whatever the elder was up to, eyes fluttering shut as he let Taeyang take control.

But then something cold came into contact with his skin. Something hard.

"What the fuck?"

Instead of scattering kisses across his chest, Taeyang was drawing on him. Eyebrows furrowed, tongue poking out of the side of his mouth as always. Byungjoo always found watching him work endearing, but this wasn't exactly what he was going for tonight.

Taeyang sat back, seemingly satisfied with the quick replica ship he had sketched slap bang in the middle of Byungjoo's chest.

"See."

Byungjoo glanced down at the Sharpie on his skin. How the fuck had Taeyang managed to draw something that quickly? It may just be a rough sketch, but holy fuck did it look good. Maybe, maybe he could get someth-

Taeyang didn't even give him a chance to respond before he had set off on another illustration, this one on Byungjoo's inner bicep. Then another on his forearm. And another on the front of his shoulder, snaking up towards his collarbones. Before he knew it, he was covered in marker pen.

"Pretty." Taeyang giggled softly to himself, a sound that was reserved for Byungjoo's ears only, as he scanned over his work. It may not be permanent, but at least his boyfriend had some ink on him now.

Byungjoo's line of sight followed Taeyang's, jumping from one illustration to the next. It didn't take him long to realise that was what he liked about Taeyang's tattoos so much. There was so much to look at. A colourful portrait of the David Bowie on the back on his hand leading to Rosary beads wrapping around his wrist, simple, handwritten script along his ulna bone and one of four 1950s style pin ups he had etched into his skin, this one the entire length of his forearm. Byungjoo smiled to himself as he thought about those specific tattoos, realising Taeyang had given him one of his very own. It was the reason it had taken him so long to admit his feelings to Taeyang, assuming the elder was straight due to the number of naked women he had tattooed on him.

"You realise I have brunch with my parent's tomorrow morning?"

Taeyang tutted, Byungjoo was so middle class sometimes.

"How about," Taeyang leaned in, arms wrapping around the back of Byungjoo's neck as he stole a kiss, "you cancel and make one of these permanent."

Byungjoo laughed against Taeyang's lips as they began to move again, letting his eyes fall shut, letting himself get lost in the blonde. His arms snaked around Taeyang's waist, creeping under his sweatshirt, fingers tracing over the traditional style roses Taeyang had inked into his skin that framed the rather gruesome portrait of Jesus Christ wearing a crown of thorns, the one that took up his entire back. The one he claimed didn't even hurt that much - but Byungjoo found that hard to believe.

"Well?" Taeyang pulled back from Byungjoo's lips, leaving a trail of kisses along the younger's jawline, making his way down his neck, causing Byungjoo to arch it, giving Taeyang more room to move.

Byungjoo hummed, barely even paying attention anymore. Maybe a tattoo wouldn't be so bad – it's not like it would be shitty or something he would regret if Taeyang was doing it. The blonde was an amazing artist, Byungjoo had seen enough of his work to know that. And it's not like he still believed in the stigma surrounding tattoos. His parents may not totally approve of his choice of boyfriend - Jesus Christ, the first time they met Taeyang went down like a lead balloon – but Byungjoo didn't really care, he knew that Taeyang was an artist, not some delinquent. And he knew that getting a tattoo himself wouldn't automatically turn him into a delinquent either. That it would be something personal and beautiful that he could look at for the rest of his life his very own little masterpiece.

"Okay! Okay, fine! I'll let you tattoo me!"

"Really?" Taeyang's eyes lit up, sitting back slightly so he could take all of Byungjoo in. he had drawn so many things on his boyfriend's arms and torso he couldn't even remember what, or figure out what would look best. "Which one do you want?"

Byungjoo looked down, trying to decide. Honestly, he wouldn't be opposed to any of them, as long as it was in a place he could cover up and it looked good, which no doubt it would.

"Surprise me."

"Surprise you?" Taeyang's eyebrows shot up under his fringe. "Risky."

Byungjoo shrugged. After giving Taeyang permission to make his body for life, he was feeling rather gallant. Why not give him full artistic licence?

"I trust you."

He smiled as rose dusted Taeyang's cheeks. It took a lot to make the elder blush, but that would just about do it. He and Byungjoo hadn't been together all that long. Hell, it had taken Byungjoo months to admit that he didn't come into the studio every other day because he wanted a tattoo, but in fact he just had a massive crush on Taeyang. The blonde had picked up on it on the very first day they met, during Hansol's session. But Taeyang being Taeyang, he let Byungjoo suffer, going along with the charade until the younger finally grew the balls to kiss him.

But...he felt like maybe Byungjoo was the one, if such a thing existed, and now he was trusting him with this. Byungjoo picking out a random tattoo for Taeyang wouldn’t be that big of a deal – it would just get lost in between the others he had if he didn't like it. But this was Byungjoo's first, and possibly only tattoo, and he was giving Taeyang free reign over what was going to be permanently imprinted in his skin forever.

If that wasn't true love, he didn't know what was.

Taeyang's lips were back on Byungjoo's, he couldn't really resist them for long, anyway.

"I'm going to give you the most beautiful tattoo you've ever seen. You're gonna love it, I promise."

And he did. Byungjoo was awestruck by the way the colours danced on his skin. So much so that he couldn't stop at just one. He had always scoffed when Taeyang said tattoos were addictive, but holy fuck, he wasn't kidding. Why did it take him so long to get his first one? Yeah, they hurt like a bitch, but the final outcome was so, so worth it.

Taeyang created artwork after artwork especially for him, filling the blank spaces of the canvas that was Byungjoo's body with whatever his boyfriend fancied. Flowers, tigers, mermaids, daggers. Things Byungjoo never in a million years thought he'd be interested in, never mind have stamped into his skin for all eternity. But Taeyang made each one of them so beautiful, so uniquely him. they just worked.

"Jesus, fuck! Tae! That hurt!"

Taeyang rolled his eyes, lifting his gun slightly so the needle was no longer in contact with Byungjoo.

"This is the tiniest little tattoo ever, man up."

Byungjoo whined as the needle sunk back into his skin, wanting to look away. But he couldn't. He had developed a habit of watching. No matter how painful.

He had sat through hours and hours of intense tattoos. The one on his back took weeks – proving that Taeyang was lying because it hurt like a bitch. But this tiny ten minute one on the inside of his ring finger may be a step too far.

He bit down on his bottom lip as Taeyang finished off the very last serif of the lettering.

"Done." He beamed. This wasn't his most amazing work, by any means, but it was the most significant. By far. "My turn."

"Tae, we've been over this. I'm _not_ tattooing you."

"Oh, come on!" Taeyang pouted, switching the needle on his gun to a fresh one. "All you have to do is trace the letters. It's not that hard."

Byungjoo gave him a _'bitch really?'_ look. Not that hard? Was Taeyang taking the piss here? Byungjoo had absolutely no artistic ability and it may only be three initials, but that gun was vibrating and Byungjoo was pretty sure he'd have almost no control over it and this was definitely not the kind of thing he wanted to mess up.

"Baby, there's no way you're having a shitty wedding band tattoo."

"But how romantic will it be if we tattoo each other instead of giving one another rings? Please, Joo? I don't care of it's a little wobbly, it'll mean so much that you do it for me."

Taeyang's bottom lip jutted out even more, eyes widening. Byungjoo could never say no to that face. Especially not on their wedding day.

"Okay! Fine! But I apologise in advance if it looks terrible."

Byungjoo took a deep breath, trying to steady his hand as he picked the gun up. Not that it made much difference, it was vibrating so erratically he could barely keep still. How the fuck did Taeyang make this look so easy?

"Just take it slow, but not too slow, you don't want to totally rip my hand open. There you go. See, it's not that bad, right?"

K

Byungjoo tried to keep as calm as possible as he followed Taeyang's instructions. It was pretty wobbly, but it didn't look completely awful…he guessed.

B

Jesus H Christ, curved lines were even harder than straight ones. Who'd've thought?

J

Okay, that one wasn't so bad. Maybe he was getting the hang of this.

He went over the lines a couple more times, trying his best to fix them up, so it at least looked half decent. He wiped Taeyang's finger down with a piece of tissue, sitting back to admire his work. It wasn’t totally terrible, right?

"Oh my god." Taeyang gasped, holding his hand up to inspect his new ink properly. _Fuck_. That made Byungjoo's heart skip a beat. He had totally fucked it up, hadn't he? Taeyang had spent years and thousands of pounds collecting jaw dropping tattoos and Byungjoo had fucked all of that up with his shitty tattooing.

"I love it."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah! Babe, we just got fucking married and now your name is on my skin forever. And you were the one to do it. Don’t you think that’s amazing?"

Byungjoo laughed to himself, a little taken aback. Taeyang was definitely one of a kind. But he wouldn't have him any other way.

"Guess that double means you're mine forever."

"Guess it does." Taeyang smirked, plopping himself down in Byungjoo's lap – his rightful throne. "I love you, Mr Kim."

Byungjoo snorted, as if they didn’t share a surname to begin with anyway. At least they didn’t have to go through the argument of who was going to take who's name.

He pushed forwards, helping himself to a long, lingering kiss from his new husband.

"I love you too, Mr Kim."


	5. Chance Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiho takes off to Croatia, and meets someone from his past he didn't even recognise.
> 
> Jeon Hojoon/Shin Jiho  
> 3884 words  
> Romance, fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this!!!! is something I've wanted to write for a while. not this plot or whatever, but this...trope, I guess. I've wanted to write a transgender character FOREVER and I figured why not go for it with one of these prompts??

Jiho's heart was...shattered, to say the least. His girlfriend had just broken up with him and he honestly felt like his life was over. He thought she was the one, he was going to propose. He thought they were going to get married one day and move to a big house in the countryside and have loads of kids. But no. She had been sleeping with his best friend behind his back for over a year. 

He was leaving the house for the first time in five days, only because he had run out of milk and tea seemed to be the only thing keeping him going right now. How pathetic was that? He couldn't even wallow in self-pity like a normal person - by getting smashed and having a load of meaningless sex. No, he was sat here in his pyjamas crying into a cup of Earl Grey. 

He kept his eyes on the ground as he walked, not really wanting to look up at anything or anyone. Everything around here reminded him of her. He moved to this fucking city  _for_  her. And he hated it. He really hated it. 

Maybe he should just move back home. But that would be like admitting defeat. His parents told him it would be a mistake, that he'd regret leaving for a girl. He couldn't really deal with hearing his parents say, _'I told you so'._

But he couldn't stay here. There was no way he'd cope. Sure, Seoul was a massive city, but every time he walked down the street he was terrified of seeing her again. Or worse, seeing _him_. His ex-best friend. 

This was a mess. Everything was a mess. 

He pulled his hood down as he pushed into the convenience store closest to his apartment - which, unfortunately for him, actually wasn't that close, and made a b-line for the milk. That's all he wanted. He'd had absolutely no appetite for the past few days, so he didn't even want to look at food, the very idea of eating made him nauseous. 

But something else caught his eye on the way. A magazine. A travel magazine named Hidden Europe with a coastal scene on the cover.

_Dubrovnik; Full of Life._

Dubrovnik? Where even was that? He had no idea, but the sapphire sea lined with tiny red-roofed houses set into the shore had him captivated. 

Maybe...maybe he should go away. Like, far away. To another country. He could go travelling. Maybe he could go to this Dubrovnik place. 

He thumbed through the magazine, marvelling at the scenery it held. Beaches, gothic architecture, bustling cities, remote villages. He had hardly ever been outside of Korea, definitely never outside Asia. Maybe it was time to broaden his horizons. 

He ended up buying the magazine, grabbing a bottle of milk on his way because there was no way he was planning the trip of a lifetime without a cup of tea. 

He spent the rest of his night researching places he found in the pages, discovering that Dubrovnik was in Croatia, a little European country kind of near Italy and Hungary and all that. 

That's what made him settle on a trip around Europe. It seemed pointless going all that way and only visiting one place when there was so much to see in the tightly packed continent. All of the countries were right next to each other too, so it's not like he'd have to pay loads for flights. He could do that thing students do when they have a gap year - interrailing? Yeah that. It's not like he was short of money anyway, he had been saving up for an engagement ring and a wedding for fucks sake. 

He went to sleep that night with a smile on his face, for the first time in a long time, the magazine clutched to his chest. This little adventure was going to be the best thing for him, he just knew it. 

 

˚✧˳⁺⁎ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧˚

 

Nine months later Jiho found himself sat outside a bistro in Dubrovnik, soaking up the sun by the sea. It hadn't taken him that long to get there, no. He had quit his job the day after finding that magazine, putting all of his savings into booking flights and hotels, converting the rest into Euros and whatever other currencies he needed for Europe. Less than two weeks later he was on a plane to Italy, only because he found getting to Croatia from South Korea harder than he had originally anticipated. But Italy was pretty good too. 

He had gone to Croatia almost straight after, his heart was set on the place and he fell in love, but there was so much more to see he tore himself away. Austria. Poland. Germany. The Netherlands. Belgium. France. Spain. Malta. Jiho had been all over the place, but something about Dubrovnik always pulled him back in. 

He just felt at peace here. 

"Jiho?"

That was, until he heard someone call his name - perfect pronunciation and everything. His heart leapt into his throat, that voice sounded so familiar. She...She couldn't possibly be here, could she? She had already ruined his life once why would she follow him around the world just to ruin his holiday and new favourite place. Fuck that. 

"Shin Jiho? Right?"

He turned, blinking a couple of times from behind his sunglasses, lowering them so he could get a good look at the girl that was talking to him in Korean. 

She was petite, golden blonde hair tied up in a messy bun on the top of her head. Her face was kind of round and she had these pouty little lips. She was wearing a pastel blue dress that barely reached mid-thigh, showing off a slim pair of legs, the straps of her halter neck bikini peeked out from the scoop neck collar, tied at the back of her neck in a neat little bow. 

She was cute. Really cute. 

But Jiho had no fucking idea who she was. 

"Yeah?"

"Hojoon." The girl smiled back, introducing herself. "We wen-" She faltered, looking down at herself before making a sort of humming noise. "You probably don't recognise me."

Jiho shook his head, apologising softly. He had never seen this girl in his life. The name...kind of sounded familiar, but he could be confusing it with something else. Korean names all tended to merge into one another. 

"I- This is gonna sound weird." Hojoon laughed sheepishly, kicking at the grass with her shoes. "I went to your school, I was in the year above you."

Jiho tilted his head as he tried to compute that. She- She went to his school? This _girl_. This really fucking cute girl stood in front of him went to his school? How was that even possible?

"I went to an all-boys school."

"Yeah..." Hojoon cast her eyes down, not even fully sure why she was telling him this. She could have easily just kept it to herself. But...she'd be lying if she said she didn't have a massive crush on Jiho when they were at school. Okay, so, she was kind of in love with him, back then, but she couldn't exactly come out and say that in their strict, religious school. That would have been suicide. 

But...now he was here in Croatia? On the other side of the world? Surely that was some kind of sign? ...Right? Like, what were the chances? 

"I... was kind of a boy. When I was younger."

That wasn't entirely accurate, not really how being transgender worked, but it seemed like the best way to describe it. 

Jiho's jaw dropped as he finally connected the dots. 

"Y-you had a sex change?"

"Uh- Yeah." Hojoon nodded, a light blush creeping on her cheeks, not really wanting to go into detail about what surgery she had and was yet to have. She usually waited more than 30 seconds to reveal anything about her gender identity, but she figured why not just go for it? She had been in too many sticky situations in the past where ex-boyfriends or one-night stands accused her of tricking them, and she didn't want that to happen with Jiho. She'd rather be upfront before she made a move, at least that way she'd be able to figure out what kind of man he was before totally falling for him. Again. 

"Wow..." Jiho didn't really know what to say to that. Or, what was the appropriate thing to say to that. He had absolutely no problem with people that were gay or trans or identified as something other than their biological gender. He couldn't really understand why people would have a problem with it. It's not like it had anything to do with them anyway. 

He just didn't want to offend her. 

"You look...wow."

"Well, thank you."

"Do you...?" Jiho motioned to the empty seat beside him. He wasn't really sure why, he just felt like he didn't want Hojoon to leave yet. What were the chances of running into someone he went to school with and him… _her_  - he made a mental note never to make that mistake aloud – being so fucking cute?

"Yeah…" Hojoon couldn't believe this was happening, she felt seventeen again. Just without all of the self-hatred and being stuck in the wrong body. She felt like she was getting a second chance, or something stupid.

She smiled to herself as Jiho poured her a glass of wine from the bottle he had on the table. How very European.

"So…and sorry if this is the wrong thing to ask or whatever, what was your name when we were at school? I feel bad that I don't remember you."

"Oh, it was Hojoon then too. I liked my name, so I never changed it. It means exceptional talent." She laughed, taking a sip of wine. "I like to think I'm a pretty good dancer and no one over here has a clue about the gender of Korean names anyway, so..."

"Dancer?" Jiho finally twigged who she was. Hojoon. Yeah, he remembered now. That short kid that didn't really speak much in his dance class. "Oh my god! I remember you we-"

"We had dance together." Hojoon finished, smiling even wider. Honestly, she felt like her lips were going to be stuck like that. She couldn't stop. 

"Well...yeah, you live up to your name." Jiho smirked, topting up their glasses. "You were pretty amazing from when I remember."

"Thanks." Hojoon whispered, face heating up. She hoped to god it wasn't visible, maybe she could pass it off as sunburn or something. 

"So, what are you doing all the way out here, anyway?" She changed the subject, so the focus was off of her. Hopefully that would steady her heart rate a little. 

"Uh..." Jiho didn't know whether to give Hojoon the more glamorous version of his travel tales, or just come or with the fact that he was a wreck before coming to Europe. Hojoon had been pretty upfront with him, so, he figured he'd return the favour. "I had a really shitty break up and just needed to get away from Korea. So, I came to Europe and nine months later, I'm still here."

"Oh...wow. So, you're just travelling?"

"Yeah, pretty much. I always seem to end up back in Croatia though. This is my third time now. There's just something about this place."

"Tell me about it." Hojoon rested her elbow on the table, hand propping up her head and she gazed out across the ocean. Jiho felt his stomach flip. She was even more gorgeous from that angle. "I love it here."

"Do you live here?" 

Hojoon scoffed, turning her attention back to Jiho. "God no, I wish. I live in sunny old England." She joked with a roll of her eyes. She had never known a place rain so much. "I'm just here on holiday." 

"England, huh? That's pretty cool, how long have you lived there?"

"Since I was eighteen. I moved there for university and never left. It's a lot more accepting of... people like me than Korea."

Jiho hummed. He got that. Korea wasn't the most progressive of places. 

"England is one of the places I actually haven't been on my travels so far. I'd like to go there one day, if I can ever tear myself away from here."

"Oh yeah? You should come, I could show you around." Hojoon smiled into her wine glass, a slight twinkle in her eye. This time it was Jiho's turn to blush. It was weird, this was essentially the first time he'd met her, he could barely remember her from school, after all. But that actually didn't sound like too bad of an offer. 

"Maybe you could." Okay, they were definitely flirting now, especially if Hojoon's giggle and twirl of her hair around her finger was anything to go by. Jiho actually had butterflies. This was insane. He had never felt this drawn to anyone in such a short period of time before. 

But Hojoon seemed...different. Not in  _that_  way, that genuinely didn't faze him at all. She was just...refreshing? He guessed. It was hard to explain considering they had barely been speaking an hour, but if Hojoon had to leave to go home tomorrow, he could honestly see himself booking a seat on the next flight to London. 

"So, what do you do in England?"

"I have my own dance school."

Jiho's jaw dropped. "You're a dance teacher?"

Hojoon quirked an eyebrow. "...Yeah?"

"Holy shit, me too! Well, before I quit my job to come it here. That's insane."

"Seriously? Maybe you could come work for me." Jiho bit down on his bottom lip as Hojoon raised her eyebrows and his mind raced at a thousand miles an hour, zooming through a scenario where this actually happened and he and Hojoon ended up falling in love and settling down and getting married and adopting a couple of kids and they learned to dance at their joint school and-

_What the fuck?_

Calm down, Jiho, you've only just met her. She was clearly just joking. As if she'd employ someone from the other side of the world after some chance meeting. 

"I reckon we'd make a pretty good team."

"You're cute." Hojoon giggled again at Jiho's rather suave reply. This felt so surreal. Okay, this alcohol must be having an effect, she was never normally this brave when it came to talk to guys. Especially guys like Shin Jiho. 

And then she realised what she had said. _Fuck_. 

"Sorry I- That was weird I just meant that- Jesus." She sighed, sitting back in her chair. "I probably sound like a creep, I'm sure you have no interest in someone like me and-"

"Someone like you?"

"Yeah, like... You know..." She didn't really want to say it aloud. This was embarrassing enough. 

"What? You think cute girls aren't my type?"

Hojoon flushed. Furiously. 

"But you- We- School-"

Jiho couldn't help but laugh softly at how flustered she was getting. He didn't want to make her feel any more awkward, but honestly, it was adorable. 

"Hojoon, I really don't care about that. I mean, I care as in it's who you are and I'm sure you've been through a lot in your life and all that - but, it doesn't make a difference to me. You're a girl, right? I like girls and you...seem like a pretty cool girl."

Hojoon was a little taken aback by that. This was usually a huge problem for most guys. Jiho hadn't even asked _'what she had down there'_ \- a question she fucking hated but had come to accept. 

"You really think I'm cute?"

"I think you're fucking stunning." Jiho replied without skipping a beat. He knew he was being forward, but he honestly didn't care. What did he have to lose? If this all went tits up then he highly doubted he would ever see Hojoon again, so why not give it a go? She was adorable, they seemed to have a fair bit in common and she had the sweetest little laugh. She was exactly his type. 

Hojoon let out a breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding in. Wow. This was actually happening. Thank god she decided to take the long way to the beach today. She didn't even care that she hadn't managed to make it. This was way better than sunbathing alone. 

"You're not too bad yourself." She smirked in response, alcohol-induced confidence taking over, suppressing her usual reserved self. 

"Do you wanna go dancing tonight?" There was no holding Jiho back now, they were deep into flirting territory and he didn't want to sound too cocky, but he was pretty sure Hojoon liked him back. "Show me some of your moves?"

"Oh?" Hojoon's smirk deepened, making Jiho's stomach twist. Maybe she was more than just cute... "Is  _The_  Shin Jiho asking me out on a date?" 

Jiho rolled his eyes. Okay, so, he  _may_  have had a bit of a reputation for being a ladies man at school, and all of the girls at the same-sex school down the road  _may_  have been a little obsessed with him. But this wasn't high school anymore. He was just a guy with no job, roaming around Europe because - well, why the fuck not? 

"He might be."

 

˚✧˳⁺⁎ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧˚

 

"Hojoon! It's time to go!"

Jiho bounced an increasingly fussy toddler on his hip as an increasingly excitable dog jumped up at him. He wasn't sure he had the heart to tell Coco that they weren't going walkies, and that in fact she was going to the kennels for a couple of weeks. 

"Mummy! Hurry up!" Hansol shouted up the stairs. He wasn't the most patient of children, and today was especially big for him. 

"I'm coming!" Hojoon rushed - as carefully as she possibly could - down the stairs, an even smaller child fast asleep in her arms. "We couldn't find Sangwon's Donald Duck and there was no way he'd survive a four-hour flight without it."

Jiho laughed softly. That was probably true, the latest addition to their family was attached to the fluffy duck plushie they had given him the first day they brought him home. He figured it was because they were the first family he had ever had, and even a two-year-old understood sentiment to some extent. 

"The luggage is in the car, I'll get these two strapped in while you go find Taeyang. He was trying to pack his own hand luggage last time I saw him."

Hojoon rolled her eyes affectionately as he passed Sangwon over to her husband as delicately as possible, trying not to wake him. It didn't surprise her at all that Taeyang had taken on that responsibility himself, their eldest liked to think he was pretty independent, but no doubt his backpack would be filled with all sorts of useless bits and pieces or things he would never be allowed to fly with. 

"Tae, sweetie, we have to go, or we'll miss our plane."

"I'm nearly done!" Taeyang called back, throwing another handful of crayons in his backpack, because you could never have too many, right? "Where are we going again, Mummy?" 

"Croatia."

Hojoon smiled as Taeyang's eyebrows furrowed. He was only six, so it was no surprise he'd never heard of the place before. 

"Why?"

"Because," she locked the door behind them, leading her son over to the car to strap him into his own booster seat, "it's a really pretty place. We'll have our very own pool and there'll beaches and all sorts of fun things to do and see."

"Plus," Jiho added as his wife settled down in the passenger seat, the dog in her lap, after making sure all of the kids were safely secured, "it's where me and your Mummy met."

Taeyang's eyes widened at that, even if it wasn't the whole truth. Jiho figured the kids were probably a little too young to understand how they had originally met. But, in a way Jiho classed that little bistro in Dubrovnik as their first meeting, because that was the first time he saw the real Hojoon. Not that timid boy in his dance class that always covered up because he hated that his body didn't reflect who he was, but the gorgeous, enchanting young woman he fell in love with. The one he cut his travels short and followed back to England to be with. 

Hojoon tried to hide the dusting of pink on her cheeks as Jiho gazed at her, almost dreamily. She hated how he still made her blush like a schoolgirl (she didn't, that was a total lie, she absolutely loved it). 

Sometimes she felt like this was all a dream, like she was in a seriously deep sleep, maybe even a coma, and that the past five years had all been some beautiful figment of her imagination. 

Because Jiho was perfect. 

He was more than happy to help her keep up with her hormone treatment, because she was pretty sure needles would  _always_  make her anxious. He hadn't freaked out the first time they slept together, when he realised her sex change wasn't fully complete. He had argued with his parents, defending Hojoon's honour after they found out who she really was. He held her hand and carried her up the stairs after she finally did go through that last operation to make her feel whole, catering to her every need until she was able to get back on her feet. He hadn't left when things began to get really serious and it dawned on him that he'd never be able to have biological children with the love of his life. 

He was perfect. And Hojoon had Dubrovnik to thank for the perfect life she was living. 

"Yeah, it's a really special place and we can't wait to share it with you three." Hojoon placed her hand on top of Jiho's, which was resting on the gearstick before turning to smile at her children. Her three beautiful children. Sangwon was flat out, but Hansol and Taeyang beamed back, bouncing in their seats slightly. Neither of them had ever been out of the country before and couldn't wait to go on holiday. 

"That's cute!"

"We wanna see where you first kissed!"

"Yeah, Daddy!"

Jiho chuckled to himself. Their kids were obsessed with their relationship, maybe because none of them had ever had a whole family with a Mummy and Daddy before. They seemed to find everything Hojoon and Jiho did adorable. 

He leaned across the gear box, it was as if he was able to hear that old fountain in his mind as memories of the first time he caught Hojoon's lips in his own played as if it only happened yesterday. Hojoon hummed to herself as Jiho's lips brushed up against her own, practically able to feel that August Croatian sun beating down on her as she was transported five years back to that very day. Sometimes she still couldn't believe it was real. 

Jiho pulled back, brushing a few stray hairs of his wife's honey blonde hair out of her eyes as Hansol and Taeyang squeaked with glee. 

"I'm sure that can be arranged." 


	6. Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What happens when a star burns out?
> 
> Kim Taeyang/Jeon Hojoon  
> 3367words  
> Hurt/Comfort
> 
> TW: Depression and suicide mention

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so I know the challenge is over but I still wanna finish all 7 of the prompts so this is my submission for the prompt 'star'  
> it kinda turned into an astrology essay a little bit kajshkjhskn sorry but I wanted to try writing something a lil more abstract and I've had something like this planned for ages bc I think its just like the perfect representation of Taeyang and Hojoon and their planets relate to them so much and omg  
> this was loosly based on the song stargazer by paloma faith, which is where I got the original idea for this fic!!!  
> also big shoutout to shay for helping me w this ily

The Sun. 

The centre of our universe. The very thing that keeps us alive. It provides warmth and light, vitamins and allows plants to grow. Without it, life on earth would not exist. 

Astrologically, however, the sun has a complete different meaning. It represents the self, one's way of being in the world. It symbolises one's will and vitality. 

The sun is the most important planet in astrology, often the only chart placement most people know. The generic horoscopes you hear about, based on the day you were born.

Sun signs are seen to have the most effect on us as humans. We'll often hear phrases such as _'you're a typical Virgo'_ , or _'of course you'd say that, you're a Capricorn.'_ Sun signs are almost like...a generalised description of who you are. 

But once you begin to put all the planets together, that's when you can get to really know a person.

Everyone has a birth chart - a snapshot of how the planets were aligned when one was born. Of what part of the zodiac they were travelling through at that very moment in time. When they came into the world. 

Fully understanding these birth charts, are the key to fully understanding humankind. How are their communication skills? Look to Mercury. Are they aggressive? Check what sign Mars is in. Are they particularly pessimistic? Saturn may be able to answer why. 

Pluto. 

The furthest away planet from the sun in the solar system, if you class it as still being a planet. It seems a little mean not to. 

Regardless, this mini-planet is still seen as important in astrology. 

Pluto can almost be seen as the polar opposite of sun. A star, a continually burning giant ball of fire which life itself revolves around compared to a tiny ball of ice about the size of Europe floating around on the edge of our existence. 

This translates into astrology. Where the sun brings life, Pluto brings death. Where the sun represents one's self, Pluto represents the subconscious. It can be seen as obsessive, power hungry and destructive. 

But it's not all negative, Pluto also symbolises rebirth. It brings things to an end and opens us up to new beginnings. 

Leo. 

Leo is the 5th sign in the zodiac, a fire sign that makes for a feisty individual with strong values and an almost arrogant disposition. 

And, it just so happens to be ruled by the sun. 

Scorpio.

Scorpio is the 8th sign in the zodiac, a water sign that makes for a deep individual who would much rather sit back and observe before jumping in head first. 

Scorpio just so happens to be ruled by Pluto.

Where Leo's are loud and attention seeking, Scorpios tend to take a back seat, they don't need all eyes on them. Where Leo's are loyal Scorpios will throw someone under the bus without a second thought. Where Leo's are vibrant and full of life, Scorpios are more reserved and calculating. 

They almost seem like polar opposites, and it's not uncommon for the two signs to take an instant dislike to each other. 

Hansol decided this was why Hojoon and Taeyang didn't get on. But one thing they agreed on was that was complete bullshit. Constellations and planets had nothing to do with real life. They just didn't like each other. Simple. 

"I think you two could actually be really close if you tried."

"I'm good, thanks." Hojoon popped his headphones back in, not willing to carry on the conversation. 

"Why don't you just talk to him? You get on with everyone else fine." 

"Hansol, he literally glares at me every time I _breathe_. I'd rather not bother."

Hansol rolled his eyes at Taeyang's response. He had been trying his hardest to get Taeyang and Hojoon to be closer. Their living situation was just about to change and he and Byungjoo were going to have to share a room with the two of them. The last thing he wanted was for things to be awkward. 

But it didn't seem to work. At least they had one thing in common; they were both stubborn as fuck. 

Despite his best efforts, nothing seemed to change, but fortunately the rooming situation wasn't as bad as he first thought. Mainly because Taeyang was never there. 

Between spending nights in his studio and going out and getting drunk to let of steam, Taeyang rarely slept in his own bed. 

That seemed to worry Hansol more than anything. Taeyang just didn't seem the same anymore. 

The elder was the definition of the sun, in Hansol's eyes anyway. He was vibrant and bright and commanded attention, people just seemed to be drawn to him, revolved around him, almost. He was the one that brought them all together. Hell, he had even convinced Hyosang and Dongsung to stay when they wanted to call it quits the first time. 

But after the two of them left for good everything seemed to change. He tried to best to power through it, despite this feeling of impending doom that lurked over him. This feeling that they were all at breaking point. 

Especially Taeyang. 

That's when he started disappearing, often for nights on end, turning up for dance practice days later with bags under his eyes, marks on his neck and smelling like stale alcohol. That's when his skin started to lose that famous Taeyang glow, when the weight began to drop off him. 

He was worried. But he had no idea how to help because every time he talked to the elder he would lash out, claiming he was fine and that he was sick of people asking. 

It took a toll on all of them. Taeyang, once the one that held them all together, began to rip them apart.

The rest of the members found it too much to handle; his short fuse and sudden inability to care about almost anything. It was like he had given up.

But, that's what happens when a star burns out. It expands; consuming everything in its path, only the outer planets will survive. 

It's ironic, really, considering the sun is meant to represent life, but ultimately, it's the one thing that can destroy, rip things apart, cause mass devastation. 

And that's what Taeyang was doing, in Yoonchul's opinion, anyway. He was making their already difficult lives as idols with a company that couldn't care less about them almost impossible. And most of the members agreed. They were at their wits and didn't want to try to rectify things. 

But Hansol knew there was some underlying problem. That this wasn't the real Taeyang. That everything that had happened to them over the years was finally catching up with him, because he was the eldest, the strong one, but it had gotten too much and he just...imploded. 

Weirdly, Hojoon was the only one that seemed to agree. His and Taeyang's relationship had never been anything spectacular, they were civil with one another, but they didn't talk all that much. 

But maybe that's why he was able to pick up on it. He was watching from the outside, not directly involved, so he could see it happening before his eyes. 

He could see that Taeyang was burning out. 

Pluto, that tiny ice planet on the very edge of the solar system would be the least affected if the sun were ever to burn out. It would thaw, warming to an earth-like climate. Making it hospitable, when everything that came before it had been destroyed. 

And Hojoon could feel it. He could feel the walls of ice he had built around himself thawing, feel himself warming up to the centre of their universe. Their star. 

And he felt like he had to help. 

"Taeyang?"

Hojoon's eyes cracked open as the door to their room ricocheted off the wall, a brunette with messy hair and an oversized sweatshirt staggered in. 

He looked across at the clock on his bedside table. 4:37 am. Where the fuck had he been?

Taeyang ignored him, climbing into Hansol's bed since the younger was staying at his parents. He wasn't sure he'd be able to make it up to his own bed anyway, his coordination wasn't exactly on point right now. 

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." The curt reply came. But Hojoon knew it was bullshit. Taeyang's voice was strained, he had clearly been crying. 

Hojoon chewed on the inside of his lip, he wasn't great at stuff like this. Emotional stuff. Comforting people. But he felt like he had to. Taeyang had almost no one left. He couldn't just leave him like this. 

So, he threw his covers off, jumped out of bed and settled himself down on the edge of the mattress Taeyang was currently curled up on, still in his clothes. 

"You don't sound alright."

"I said I'm fine." Taeyang snapped back before sighing. He didn't mean to be such a dick all of the time he just- He just didn't know what to do anymore. "Don't worry about it, just go back to sleep."

Hojoon hesitated, not sure whether to do as Taeyang said and go back to bed or try and push it a little further. He wasn't sure if that would make things better or worse. 

But something was telling him he couldn't just leave things like this. 

"Look, I know we're not exactly close." He placed his hand on Taeyang's leg, making the elder flinch slightly. "But you're clearly not okay, you haven't been for a while. Can you stop being so stubborn for once and just let me help?"

Taeyang snorted. That was rich coming from Hojoon. He almost said that aloud, but he didn't want an argument tonight. He was tired of arguing. 

"I don't think you can help me. No one can."

"At least let me _try_ , Tae." 

Taeyang tuned to face Hojoon. He wasn't sure the younger had ever called him that before. It had been a while since anyone had. 

It felt kind of...nice. 

Hojoon smiled softly, heart skipping a beat at how bloodshot and glassy Taeyang's eyes were, how red his face was. He had clearly been crying, which made him a little uncomfortable. He wasn't sure he'd ever seen Taeyang cry before. 

"I just..." Taeyang swallowed, was he really going to tell Hojoon what he couldn't tell the others? The people he was actually close to? In a way, it felt easier telling someone that wasn't one of his best friends - because they relied on him, he had spent so long bottling things up and being strong for them. But Hojoon wasn't like that. He didn't need Taeyang. Plus, he was pretty shitfaced, and talking about emotions was a lot easier when he'd been drinking. There was no way this conversation would be happening sober. "I feel like I've failed you guys."

Hojoon's eyebrows knitted together. Failed them? How?

"What do you mean?"

"Like, it's my fault everyone's left, and I know no one's happy and like- I don't know, I've tried so hard to keep us all together even when I was barely keeping it together myself and there are some days I just hope I don't wake up, so I don't have to deal with this anymore. I just want it to be over."

"You want what to be over? The group?"

"Everything." 

Hojoon's heart leapt into his throat. Was...was Taeyang saying what he thought he was. That he wanted to- 

"Tae- I-" Hojoon wasn't really sure what to say here. He could tell there was something up, that Taeyang was struggling. But he didn't realise it was to this extent. "You don't mean that."

"I do." Taeyang's voice was small, way smaller than Hojoon was used to and he didn't like it. "I can't do this anymore, I'm so tired, I just…want to-" He inhaled, deeply, breath shaky. "-end it."

That's when the tears started, full flow, that sort of breath-hitching, body-shaking, ran out of options crying. Taeyang was in complete despair. He fucking hated crying, especially in front of people, but it was all he could do right now. The flood gates had opened and there was no stopping him.

"Oh my god, Taeyang." Hojoon gasped, shuffling further up the bed so he was by Taeyang's side in in seconds, arms wrapped around his shoulders as he buried the elders head in the crook of his neck. "It's okay, y-you have all of us and- and I know things aren’t going great right now, but they'll get better, I promise. It's gonna get better Tae."

Taeyang couldn't even respond, he could hear Hojoon, but the words were hardly sinking in. His head was pounding as his cries verged on hysterical. This was ridiculous. Why was he crying in front of Hojoon of all people? Why had he told him just how shit he had been feeling, that he was ready to...

He didn’t even know what he would say if he was able to respond, so he just let himself cry, he let himself revel in Hojoon's warmth and just cry. He couldn't remember how long it had been since anyone had held him so close, since anyone had actually hugged him. sure, he'd end up in some guy's bed at the end of a night of drinking, he'd be close to people in that way, but it wasn't the same. It was just meaningless sex, a quick fuck to take his mind off of everything else. But this…this was real. Hojoon wasn't even someone he would consider a friend, as such, yet here he was at god knows what time in the morning, rocking Taeyang back and forth gently, whispering words of encouragement into his ear as he cried himself to sleep in his arms.

In a way, that meant more to him than if it had been one of his friends.

Not that that was going to happen anytime soon, he had drove them all away. He knew that he had, that they were sick of him being so distant and lashing out, but he was scared that if they got too close he'd poison them, or something. Some more logical part of him knew that was ridiculous, that they had just wanted to help him, but that was the thing with depression, with mental illnesses in general, they defied all logic.

"Joon?" Taeyang couldn't remember how long he had been laid here crying, his head was such a mess that he had lost all track of time, but he had calmed down a little now, he was past the stage of hysteria and just needed to sleep. "Thank you."

"It's okay." Hojoon nuzzled into Taeyang's hair, glad the elder had seemed to settle down a little. He felt awful that all he could do was hold Taeyang while he cried. He felt like anything he said would fall on deaf ears, but the last thing he wanted was any of them to feel like that. Like they couldn't carry on.

Taeyang sniffled, arms snaking around Hojoon's waist to draw the younger in closer. It felt a little weird, he was pretty sure he had never hugged Hojoon before, but he was too scared to let go, he desperately needed someone, and right now Hojoon was the only person willing to put up with him.

"Can you…sleep with me tonight?" He felt stupid asking, but he wasn't sure he could cope sleeping alone, without anyone cuddling into him. He hadn't realised how much he craved human contact until now.

"Sure, if that’s what you want." There was no way Hojoon was going to leave Taeyang on his own when he was feeling like this. He made himself comfortable as Taeyang kicked his jeans off, not bothering to change his shirt as he settled back into Hojoon's arms, sighing contentedly as the blonde pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. It was amazing how such a tiny show of affection managed to make him feel so much better.

"Thanks."

 

˚✧˳⁺⁎ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧˚

 

"Joon!" Taeyang banged on the door, shifting his weight from one foot to the other, a feeble attempt to try and keep warm. It was fucking freezing and he just wanted to be inside. "Joon! Come on, open up!"

"Jesus Christ, calm down, I'm coming!" Hojoon sighed. Taeyang was the definition of melodramatic, it wasn't even that cold.

Hojoon laughed as the brunette launched himself at him, arms wrapping around a shivering body as Taeyang whined into his neck about how he was on the verge of getting hypothermia.

"Drama queen." The younger scoffed, making Taeyang pull back, a pout on his lips which Hojoon couldn't help but roll his eyes at.

"I travelled all this way just to see you, in treacherous conditions and you're making fun of me? I thought you loved me."

Hojoon shook his head softly, leaning in to press a kiss to Taeyang's jutted out bottom lip. Hopefully that would shut him up. As much as he missed his boyfriend now he wasn't living with them anymore, he didn't miss the incessant whining.

That one night Hojoon spent with Taeyang in his arms, watching over the brunette until he finally fell asleep, head buried in his chest turned into so much more. He couldn’t bear to leave Taeyang on his own, out of fear of him doing something stupid, so they began to spend more time together. In fact, Taeyang would spend even less time in his own bed than he did before, only this time it wasn't because he was going out and getting so drunk he couldn’t remember how much he hated his life, but because he much preferred Hojoon's bed, wrapped up in the younger's arms, their legs intertwined.

And those nights they spent together turned into so much more. Hojoon wondered that if he had have taken Hansol's advice sooner, if he had taken the time to get to know Taeyang earlier, then maybe he could have had this ages ago. Someone to kiss and cuddle with and talk on the phone to whatever ridiculous hour in the morning, someone to make him laugh, sometimes make him cry, someone that gave the love songs he sang on stage real meaning, someone to love, someone that loved him back.

Someone who had been struggling with depression to the point he had considered taking his own life. Someone who now was doing so much better and getting on with his life with that adorable little dimpled smile on his face Hojoon loved so much. Someone Hojoon had helped to heal and grow and pulled back from the brink, someone that he went from practically hating to someone he couldn't stop thinking about.

Taeyang had well and truly thawed the walls of ice Hojoon had built around himself, keeping anyone out, especially that pesky star that shone way too bright for his liking. But it was only when that star began to burn out, when it took out everything in its path, when Pluto was the only planet left, when the sun's rays could finally reach it out there on the periphery, when it finally began to warm up, that’s when he was finally able to let Taeyang in. Let himself fall for that feisty, attention seeking ball of fire that he once couldn't stand.

"I _do_ love you." Hojoon took Taeyang's hands in his own, thumbs rubbing into the back of his palms to warm them up. "Even if you're an annoying little bitch."

"I love you too." Taeyang smirked, pulling Hojoon in closer. He couldn't bear being so far away from his boyfriend any longer, it had been an entire week since he'd see him last. "Even if you're always mean to me."

Hojoon was about to bite back when Taeyang silenced him with his lips, instead humming as he leaned into it. He figured this was better than arguing, anyway.

"Can we go to bed?" The pout resurfaced on Taeyang's lips as he pulled away. "I'm sleepy."

Hojoon nodded, it didn't seem to matter what time of day it was when Taeyang would come over, they always seemed to spend most of their time in bed.

"Can I be little spoon for once?"

"Don't be stupid."


	7. Rainy Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jiho thinks he might be going insane all because of a certain girl. But it's okay because Hojoon is fairly sure she's going insane too.
> 
> Jeon Hojoon/Shin Jiho  
> 2926words  
> Romance/Fluff

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is from the same au as Chance Meeting bc I loVE TRANSGIRL!HOJOON SO MUCH I can't stop thinking abt his au and I totally forgot I hadn't even finished the challenge so here we go. This has not been spell checked at all sorry, hopefully it's not too bad tho

Jiho reconsidered his sanity as he watched what seemed to be a never ending carousel of luggage. Not because he had a plain black suitcase that looked like every other suitcase on the fucking carousel, but because he was in England.

 _England_.

Taking time out of the year-long holiday he'd given himself to heal his broken heart. He had moved across the country for a girl who had ultimately fucked him over and left him feeling empty, only to travel across the continent to a country he'd never been before for another girl.

What the fuck was wrong with him?

He pulled his suitcase off the conveyer, wondering if asking a nearby member of staff whether it was too late to turn around, go back through passport control and jump back onto the plane from Cyprus he'd just gotten off.

But...his English wasn't quite good enough to try and explain that and he was pretty sure that wasn't how it worked anyway. He either had to leave the arrivals area and step out into Heathrow airport, or stay here forever. Those were his only choices, and he was getting hungry. Great.

He swallowed thickly as he pushed through the revolving doors, his suitcase like a tonne weight behind him as if his clothes were begging him to go back before he did something stupid. But it was too late.

"Jiho!"

All his anxiety seemed to melt away as his eyes settled on a petite blonde holding a piece of cardboard with his name on (his stomach flipped at the hearts that had replaced the dots over the j and i) and a smile so wide her cheeks looked like two rosy little peaches on her perfect little face and-

 _Fuck_.

He was in love, wasn't he?

Hojoon bounded over to him, tossing the name sign she had made away. She needed both her arms free for the hug she was about to envelop Jiho in, anyway.

She hummed softly into Jiho's chest, arms wrapping around his waist. A more rational part of her brain was telling her she was being way too forward, that she needed to take a step back and maybe look less desperate. But she didn't care. It had only been two months since she last saw Jiho, since she had to leave Croatia and come back home, but they had talked every single day, and seeing him in person again felt like a dream so she had to make sure he was real.

Jiho's heart skipped a beat as Hojoon launched herself at him, wrapping him up in a tight hug. He was glad her face was buried in his chest so she couldn't see the unattractive shade of red on his cheeks.

He snaked an arm around her shoulders as other people waiting for their friends and family to emerge from the arrivals area _'awwed'_ at the sight. They probably thought the two of them were married or something, not just a couple of people that had happened to meet on holiday a few months ago.

"Come on, then, let's go." Hojoon pulled away from the hug trying to unhook Jiho's hold-all from his arm. "Let me carry something for you."

"It's pretty heavy, I'm fine."

Hojoon huffed, arms folding across her chest. "I'm sure it's not that bad, Jiho, just because in a girl doesn't me-"

"Okay, fine." Jiho rolled his eyes before she went off on some long sexist rant. They may not have known each other long, but Jiho had been subjected to Hojoon's firey personality on a couple of occasions. She wasn't quite as shy and retiring as he initially thought.

Hojoon smiled triumphantly holding her arms out to take the bag from the younger and sling it over her shoulder. However, the smile was soon wiped off her face and replaced with a whispered _'fuck'_ as the bag almost hit the floor, taking her down with it. What the fuck was in this thing?

"I told you it was heavy." Jiho smirked.

"It's fine." Hojoon hissed, trying her best to stand upright despite the fact this thing probably weight more than she did. "I got it."

Jiho shook his head softly as Hojoon hobbled over to the exit of the airport, towards the car park. He added _'incredibly stubborn'_ to his evergrowing list of endearing Hojoon qualities.

"For fucks sake!"

Jiho had been too busy smiling at Hojoon struggling he hadn't even realised they were outside. And that it was pouring down with rain.

 _Fuck_.

He hated rain. That's why he had mainly stuck to sunny countries on his travels.

Hojoon groaned, throwing her head back in frustration. "It wasn't raining before." She pouted as droplets so large pelted off the ground they bounced straight back up. "Welcome to England, I guess."

Jiho definitely hadn't dressed for the rain, which may have been an oversight on his half considering the country was known for it, so by the time they made it to Hojoon's place he was soaking to say the least. It didn't exactly help that they had to drive with the windows slightly open to prevent condensation building up and making it impossible for her to see where she was going because her car was so fucking old. She should really invest in a new one.

But at least he didn't look as bad as Hojoon did.

He stifled a giggle as the elder slammed the front door behind her, bottom lip jutted out, long blonde hair matted to her face, mascara running down her cheeks, white t-shirt practically see through because it was so saturated with rain because, despite it seeming impossible, the amount of rain seemed to triple as soon as they stepped out of the car to get Jiho's suitcase from the boot.

This wasn't exactly the start of the romantic reunion she had hoped for.

"Are you laughing at me?"

Jiho but down on his bottom lip, but not soon enough as a soft snort managed to escape, making Hojoon's eyebrows furrow.

"No! Of course not! You just look...cute."

"Cute?" Hojoon deadpanned. She had makeup all over her face and she looked like she'd been dragged through a hedge backwards and Jiho thought she looked _cute?_

"Yeah." Jiho shrugged, lips quirking up at the corners. "Reminds me of that night we went swimming at like 3am."

Hojoon's scowl softened as memories of Jiho dragging her down to the beach after a night of dancing bubbled up in her mind. What had started off as tentative kisses in the sea under the moonlight had turned into a water fight which saw the two of them emerging from the beach laughing so hard they had to hold their stomachs and looking more like drowned rats than anything else.

"That was a lot warmer than this, though." She smiled, figuring she'd let Jiho off for laughing at her because, honestly, how could she stay mad at that face? "We should probably get changed before we get sick."

Jiho gaped as Hojoon ripped her t-shirt off, no sign of embarrassment on her cheeks as she threw it over the radiator to dry. It's not like this was the first time he'd seen her like this, she spent the majority of their time together in Croatia in a bikini top and shorts, after all, but...well, he had almost forgotten good she looked.

Hojoon smiled to herself, picking up on the way Jihos eyes lingered on her. She had found it adorable the way he tried not to stare when they'd hang around the pool at one of their hotels, how he respected her and didn't treat her like a piece of meat, but he was only human, and Hojoon knew fine well her tits looked amazing. They had better be for the price she payed for them.

Honestly, it felt nice. She had spent the majority of her life feeling uncomfortable in her body an absolutely _hating_ it, so feeling confident enough to show it off and leaving someone speechless felt...well, it felt fucking amazing.

"Are you going to get out of those wet clothes or are you just going to stand there and stare at me all day?"

Hojoon revelled in how flustered Jiho would get around her. It was such a stark contrast to when they were in school and she was the one too scared to talk to him, Mr Popular. Now here he was, a flushed, stuttering mess in her living room and she was the confident one now she'd figured out who she really was and gotten comfortable in her gender.

Cute.

Jiho sighed contentedly as fingers carded through his locks, accompanied by a warm rush of air as Hojoon blowdired his hair for him. This felt nice. Really nice. It had been a long time since he had been in such a domestic situation and he really missed it. He knew it was still early days with him and Hojoon, they had only been together in person for just over a week, and they hadn't officially decided they were a couple - he wasn't even sure if that's what she wanted - but he would be lying if he said it wasn't what he wanted.

"There you go!" Hojoon beamed as she shut off the hair dryer and placed it on the floor. "All done!"

Jiho smiled to himself, settling down next to her on the sofa, patting his knees so she could throw her legs across them. He had no idea how someone managed to look so effortlessly perfect.

Hojoon had her now-dry hair thrown up on the top of her head in a messy bun, just like they first day they had met in Croatia, her face was totally clear of make up but somehow her skin still seemed to glow, and she had managed to wriggle her way into Jihos favourite hoodie. He couldn't deny that she looked stunning all dolled up, but to him, she looked flawless like this.

"I'm really sorry it's raining." Hojoon pouted, shuffling a little closer so she could intertwine her fingers with Jiho's. "I had the best day ever planned. I was gonna take you on the London Eye so you could see everything and go somewhere really fancy for lunch and the river Thames looks so pretty at night and-"

"Joon." Jiho squeezed her fingers, stopping her before she went off on yet another ramble. "It's fine. I don't care about all that touristy shit. I came here to see you, after all."

This time was Hojoon's turn to blush. She may have a new found confidence now that her body was so close to being perfect, but deep down she was still that timid kid that felt like no one would ever like her, nevermind love her.

 _Love?_ Maybe she was getting ahead of herself here. Jiho wasn't in love with her. Jesus Christ.

She was so absorbed in her own self deprivation she didn't even realise that Jiho was leaning in for a kiss until his lips were on hers.

Holy fuck.

She had missed this. So much.

She reacted instantly, head tilting, lips parting, giving Jiho more room to move. It had only been a couple of months, but she had already forgotten what his lips felt like and was desperate to taste that honey flavoured chapstick he always insisted on wearing again.

She hummed softly as Jiho kissed her deeper, urging him on as his tongue danced against hers.

This just felt...right. She couldn't even explain it. The whole thing seemed insane. That's what her friends had said anyway. How could she possibly have such strong feelings for a guy she met on holiday? That he was probably banging a load of girls on his travels while the two of them hadn't even gone that far. That it was crazy to think he'd uproot his entire life in Korea and move here to be with her.

Part of her agreed, it was pretty insane. But she couldn't remember the last time she felt like this and Jiho was the only guy she'd met in a while that accepted her for who she was and hadn't judged her at all. As far as she was aware, anyway.

She just had to give it a go. What were the chances of her running into someone she went to school with - and just so happened to have a huge crush on? And what were the chances of him having an interest in her? Of him messaging her every day before she woke up because his timezone was a few hours ahead of hers, just letting her know he was thinking about her? Of them staying up til whatever ridiculous hour of the night on Skype because neither one of them could bear hanging up first? Of him travelling five hours from a gorgeous, sunny country to dull old England just to see her?

She couldn't let Jiho go just because it seemed insane, because her life kind of was insane. Everything up until now wouldn't really be classed as normal, so why bother changing the habit of a lifetime?

"Wow." She breathed as Jiho pulled away, eyelids hooded. He was so fucking gorgeous. Okay, yeah. This was insane. There was no way someone like Jiho would ever be interested in someone like her.

"You're so fucking gorgeous."

She flushed as Jiho repeated he exact words, as if he had read her mind.

Maybe...maybe this wasn't so insane after all.

 

˚✧˳⁺⁎ ❝᷀ົཽ⁎⁺˳✧˚

 

Hojoon giggled softly to herself as barely there kisses were scattered across her shoulder blades. She could definitely get used to this; long arms wrapped around her waist, the body warmth, tangled legs, drifting off to the sound of someone else's breathing.

She just didn't want it to end.

"When's your flight?"

Jiho had only just gotten here, but she knew he had to leave eventually. She really didn't want him to, but she knew he wanted to keep travelling. It would be selfish to keep him here. England wasn't the most exciting of places, not that Jiho would know, it had rained so heavy all week they had barely left the house.

"I- uh... Haven't booked one yet."

Hojoon's eyes snapped open.

"Really?"

"Yeah... I- I know it sounds stupid but- Well, I didn't wanna book something and regret it, you know? What if I don't want to leave?"

"Then don't." Hojoon blurted out. She didn't even have to think about it because...well, she didn't want him to leave either.

"So, how long can I stay?" Jiho knew it was risky not booking an outgoing flight when he was staying over at someone else's house. What if Hojoon didn't even want him there? He just felt like it was a risk he had to take, because he wanted to spend as much time with her as physically possible. Sure, he loved travelling, but he wasn't sure he'd enjoy it as much on his own anymore.

Hojoon shrugged. She wanted to say 'forever', but didn't want to sound too desperate. So she settled for a shrug.

"We can talk about it in the morning, im too comfortable to turn over and talk properly." Hojoon yawned. She wasn't lying, but honestly, she wasn't sure he could look Jiho in the eye right now considering how red she knew he face was.

Jiho hummed in agreement. That seemed fair. This was a pretty big step for the both of them, after all.

"You make a pretty good big spoon." Hojoon sighed, shuffling back into Jiho's chest as the youngers arms tightened around her.

"Well just so you know," Jiho pressed a kiss to honey blonde hair. "I like being little spoon sometimes too."

Hojoon scoffed softly.

"I might let you once in a while."

Jiho smiled to himself nuzzling into Hojoon's nape as he settled down to go to sleep. He had no idea how he ended up here; snuggled into a gorgeous girl he had happened to run into in a city he had gone traveled across the world to visit on a whim.

It was definitely crazy. But he could do with a little crazy. He had done the whole dating and falling for someone and settling into a boring domestic routine until someone inevitably cheated. And you know how that turned out. So why not go for something a little more far fetched? Why not go for the adorable but fiesty transgender girl who lived in England that had a crush on him at their all boys school in Korea? Because she was the first girl to make him feel alive for god knows how long.

He let his eyes flutter shut, thumb rubbing soft circles into Hojoon's stomach as her breathing evened out beside him. She had this ability to go from wide awake and discussing something of mass importance to being flat out within seconds. Jiho couldn't understand it, it took him hours to fall asleep; awake and alone with his thoughts.

He almost wished the weather would stay this shitty so they could stay indoors, in this little bubble they had created in Hojoon's flat. He didn't need to see Big Ben or Windsor Castle or any of that. If Hojoon really meant what she said then he could see it some other time. He was in no rush to leave.

Maybe he didn't mind rainy days so much after all, not if they were all going to be like this one.


End file.
